Archive | August 2012

iFALL

I fell, Like I will if the sole of my pumps kisses scattered finger peels of banana on hard concrete, head first, then heart and soul into depths of love I could not fully comprehend. I was home. I am home. I now know why I am. I connected with me, with us. Not as bodies entwined in an embrace like the twisting of braids on human hair, this was more. It is more.

Like flashlights, powered by love, through your eyes, I see me, I see paths earmarked for me alone to thread lead to previously unimagined heights. Zeniths greater than my mortal mind can conceive, you have made mine. Conquered levels do I reach with passing seconds every following minute through your Spirit. You empower me with might.

Composer of time, the ageless painter of eternity, I can never love me the way you do, for you are love. Her entirety is you. You shield me from myself and save me from nemesis. What we are is of the abundance that is you. Your unwavering love, you pour on me.  

Words that my spirit cotton’s on; the language of souls heard by many understood by a handful. Your life giving breadth satisfies me…I’ve put my hands, that which you made, in your outstretched ones, take it, own it…I’d gladly follow as your love leads.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I give myself away.

Roots.

 

Branches from trees whose roots I sprout from, they also seek their own soil, Can’t we see the beauty that is us? Know us not the formidable impact as one we can achieve? House hold waters no longer nourish us. Our answers are tormented with questions that dilute them while we entertain episodes of bitterness like important visitors. We serve them with our choice China, They have received warmth even in our roots. Yes, Wickedness has become like a bank of cloud over our identity.

If we tarry together long enough, can our salvation refuse to come back home? Sweat from days of useless struggle has invited termites to feast bountifully on our skin. Now withered leaves fall like fruits to the ground season after season. Some have been blown away by merciful winds to greener pastures Where balls of white frostiness fall like tears from the sky. They have chased the green and found it. Grasses have long since occupied our vineyards How much longer shall we wait for us to make our way back home?

Who have we left to tend our hearts and cultivate it?

Far away

How are you all doing? i am trusting that the joy of the Lord is still your strength 🙂 it is so easy to loose your mind these days because our adversary is still working overtime but then.. God’s grace still speaks…and is still speaking for you and i.

Meanwhile Metathesis 2012 begins tomorrow…15/8/2012 at TREM International head-quaters,Anthony, Lagos. I am so excited, i really don’t want to miss any of the sessions.. Procrastination is bad 😦  I have still not taken the excuse that i need.

For today?…  i have something special i dug up from one of my notes… enjoy.

*****

Far away

Far, far away

Beyond Seas and seas, hills and mountains

In a little town in Bethlehem,

Long, long, a long time ago,

The offspring of a virgin’s womb

Arrived the earth and was wrapped in swaddling cloth.

 

He took a break from all his glory,

He became the excuse for my redemption.

He who owns all took my wretched form

It was beauty for ashes.

My life for His; His father: my father.

Liberty: my new song; Heaven: my new home.

 

He, the price,

God now man.

Prophecies fulfilled.

The great exchange,

Mine even before I knew.

The redemption plan

Sealed and delivered,

Awaiting my claim…

                ***

 God is awesome yo!  peace, love and have i already said something about metathesis? okey dokey  pancakes!!!

What remains…

May God help me!

May God help me! (Photo credit: radiant guy)

These days I exist in realms apart from the present. For instance, I am here now, but I am absorbed with thoughts of yesterday and pre-occupied with my analysis of it. I try to understand what I thought I had lost and what I feel I should have or could have done, what I shouldn’t have done and somehow I also wonder if I have missed the point of today.. But how does one get to ‘today’ without “yesterday”? So many thoughts swim inside my head, I feel like I can literally see them. I try to catch some of the thoughts as they roam, try to still them but they escape my grip…i chase them for a while then I realize what a futile effort it is.

My Sun has set at dawn.

I am sorry Temi. I should have been your covering like I promised. How could I drive you to your death? I miss you. I miss you both. I wonder who I should grieve for first.  I miss laughing with you. I miss writing with you. I should have read you those poems I wrote to you while I watched you sleep. Every single day I should have told you how wonderful you were, how blessed I was to have you both. How much I love you, how much I adored you both.

Until now, I didn’t understand how heartfelt but pointless some of the things we say to grieving people are. No one has asked me to write yet. Only the pen understands that I need to write. What does “tradition says no one who was burnt to death deserves a proper burial” mean? Why do my civilized family members keep telling me about our barbaric tradition? This time, tradition will have to wait. It is not like burying a wife and child is something any sane person looks forward to.

“May God save our land” I hear uncle Bidemi saying and Mama Ifeanyi answers “Amen!”

Bad news has a way of traveling fast to unite us. I listen to their conversation from the kitchen and conclude that In Nigeria, we have a penchant for linking everything to corruption. Not like everything here and corruption are totally unrelated but I wonder what would become of us when we cannot afford to blame the government we feed fat for all our woes; when we become the government the struggling people blame, when we see ourselves through our own eyes. Sometimes, blindness gives you a new sense of sight.

I want to tell Yewande, my sister-in-law, to stop cooking, it is all she has done since our demise,I want to ask her to help me tell all the visitors that I cannot consume all the food that they keep bringing. But I watch her instead. People react to pain in different ways. On a slightly different level, I can relate to the pain she feels. This pain; we all share. Does she think we’re celebrating Morenike’s marriage? This is the seventh Nigerian dish she has prepared today. Maybe I should remind her that we are mourning and my appetite has traveled to a very far place.

She was only nine Lord…Morenike was just nine years old.

My heart feels like it is going to burst from the realization. Not just because she was my first and only seed but because I loved her, because I love her still, because I miss her.  I smile. It is the best I can do to stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks because the time to cry is not now. I watch as family and well -wishers watch me closely in between sobs. I know I have to be strong for all of us, for me.

I feel like hot oil is being poured on my bare back. My heart is breaking into tiny pieces and all I can do is watch them scatter before me. If only I can find the right words to express the pain I feel, I will scribble and scribble until warmth slowly envelopes me. Until I see my healing reach out and touch me from far away. Until I know the universe is not in one accord with some other dark force to punish me, until, until…Come .Back .Home. Please.

Sleep well my queen, sleep well my princess. If eternity is anything like we hoped for, like we prayed for, like I still pray for, I will see you soon.

Tomorrow, while I write, I will think about today and lingering moments like this when words won’t do. I may even be grateful for “tomorrow” and her father, “time” Maybe then I will find strength to be thankful for their gross inability to erase the scars that the wounds they heal leave behind.

8/12

English: Sahara desert from space. Русский: Пу...

English: Sahara desert from space. Русский: Пустыня Сахара из космоса. Українська: Пустеля Сахара з космосу. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know it is day three and all but hey…*shakes tambourine aka sheke sheke*

Happy new month beautiful people.

What is it that you are expecting in August 2012? Do you know that praise should not be absent from your lips? Have you considered praising God in advance? I perceive in my spirit that this August is going to be a wonderful month. I mean there is Metathesis(the TREM annual young people
‘s conference) to look forward to, and some other discoveries i am making and adjustments i am learning to live with, it feels like the paradigm shift has already begun and bla bla…
I wish all of us a very satisfying month ahead. you know as wonderful and glorious as your yesterday was, God does not dwell there? God is saying in Isaiah 43:18-19
 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”
He is the unchangeable changer and He is able to do a new thing in our lives. Ha! he said, He will make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. wilderness connotes barrenness, an uncomfortable situation, a place of neglect, deserts, dryness, Ha! but the good news is that He has assured us in his word, his word that has no margin for failure, His word that cannot lie, in the infallible word of God, it is written that he will make a way. He will come through for us. I for one will like to see rivers in my desert, i will like to see the way maker create a way wilderness, i will like to see God turn that my seemingly impossible situation into a citadel of possibilities. I pray that God’s will be done in all of our lives, Amen!

Peace, love and pancakes..